PUBS
Hikers are entitled to reward themselves for their efforts. Hiking expends a lot of energy and calories, and tackling the next stage of the journey will not be possible until you’ve replenished what you’ve lost. However, you should be aware that there is still an act to keep up when replenishing yourself in an idyllic country pub. Other hikers will be watching.
• Never buy a ‘half of anything. Pints, gallons and barrels are okay. Halves are out.
• Never buy bottled beer. That’s what football fans drink. Real Hikers savour Real Ale.
• Order your drink as though you’re a regular: ‘Hi Frank, the usual please. If Frank is a true barman he’ll pour you a pint of his most expensive beer in the hope that it will become your ‘usual’. Those sitting nearby who know that Fred is not Frank will assume that you and he go back a long way, and this is what he was called at school.
Brown County Hiking Trail Map Photo Gallery
• If you’re eating, remember that real hikers never have starters – unless they classify the first three rounds as ‘starters’.
• Never select the scampi, far less the vegetarian options. Steak and ale pie, rib-eye steak, and toad-in-the-hole are the only choices for a true hiker. Supersize anything you can.
Never buy a ‘half of anything. Pints, gallons and barrels are okay. Halves are out.
Real log fires are a quick way to dry your boots out after hiking through several hours worth of rain. While the heat can split the leather, hardened hikers don’t mind because it gives them an excuse to buy a new pair, with even more state-of-the-art technology.
Never take your boots off and place them by the fire, though. Keep them on, so the heat from your feet will help to dry them from the inside. Also bear in mind the olfactory assault on fellow patrons should you remove them
Avoid pubs that demand that you remove your boots before entering the lounge or bar areas. Or prove your love of the outdoors by insisting on eating and drinking in the beer garden so that you can admire the view. True hikers sit at a picnic table in shorts and a T-shirt supping ale as a torrential downpour descends on their already soggy chips.
