Map Of Hiking Trails

HANGING UP YOUR BOOTS

There comes a point in every hiker’s journey when it’s time to hang up your walking boots and shuffle off to the even bigger hills in the sky. This truly is an adventure because neither Ordnance Survey, Harvey, nor any other map manufacturer has maps to help hikers on this particular journey. And while your soul may be exploring the heavens, no one knows for sure whether your GPS receiver will work up there, despite the fact that you will be much closer to the satellites themselves.

Non-hikers don’t understand why hikers enjoy setting off on two feet in all weathers. Occasionally, a hiker might try to explain that it’s because of the fresh air, getting closer to nature, exploring the countryside or finding a good country pub.

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A bluffer should simply answer the question with the ancient Latin phrase Solvitur ambulando and wink knowingly.

For those who didn’t learn Latin, the phrase translates as It is solved by walking’. Non-hikers will never know what it’ is, but when hikers hang up their boots for the last time, they’ll understand everything: including why the last mile of a walk is always four times longer than the other miles on the same route.

There’s no point in pretending that you know everything about hiking – nobody does – but if you’ve got this far and you’ve absorbed at least a modicum of the information and advice contained within these pages, then you will almost certainly know more than 99% of the rest of the human race about what it involves, how it can be good for your health, why it can be bad for your feet, and how you can pretend to be more knowledgeable about it than you are.

What you now do with this information is up to you, but here’s a suggestion: be confident about your newfound knowledge, see how far it takes you (hopefully in the right direction), but above all, have fun using it. You are now a bona fide expert in the art of bluffing about the world’s oldest form of transport. Just put one foot in front of the other, aim towards the nearest country pub, and enjoy the scenery.

Think you’re ready to shine with your knowledge of hiking? Test it first with our quiz at bluffers.com.

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